ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
