This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
