If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
