I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
