Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
