I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
