His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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