Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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