So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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