Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm having to shit out rocks
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