I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
