It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
