Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
