I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
