The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
