Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
