if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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