The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
