today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
