make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
