So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
