weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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