I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
whose parrot is this?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
