he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
