Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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