He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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