so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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