The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
