Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
