You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
