Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
