please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
