i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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