a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
