ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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