my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
