all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
