So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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