Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
