Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
