maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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