i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
