she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
