There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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