i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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