Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize