It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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