Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
