Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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