1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
