I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
