Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
