there was a trapeze. enough said
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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