4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
