sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
