Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
