I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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