I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
