do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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