awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
