I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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