im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
