I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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