we're blogging at a bar
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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