Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
