Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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