Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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