Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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