No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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