I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
