i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
