i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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