When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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