So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
