At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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