I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
